There is Hope

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my last suicide attempt. I have been free of them for three years now, and it hasn’t been smooth sailing; life never is. One of the main things I learned while I was in treatment was the reason behind negative emotions. I always wondered why we can’t just always feel happy or content or excited or grateful. Well, feeling positive and happy all the time would be amazing right? Yes, there is no denying that, however, without the negative emotions, we wouldn’t appreciate the positive emotions as much. It would be taken for granted a lot of the time and we wouldn’t have anything to look forward to. Our days would all be relatively the same, over and over. I understand now the importance of negative emotions, and how much I appreciate the positive ones because I am able to fully be in the moment of a good experience. I would often wonder, if I had the chance to erase my mental health diagnosis, and not have to go through that struggle, would I? No, I don’t think I would. It was so so hard to get through at the time, and I do still struggle some days. However, my challenges have created this passion for me to advocate for mental health and suicide. I want to help others and let them know there is hope. And I want to be honest with them because I think a lot of people sugar coat things. They don’t want to tell someone struggling with suicidal thoughts that they will always be there, because that adds to the hopelessness. And I get that, I wouldn’t have liked hearing that either. But the difference for me, between being suicidal now, and being suicidal back then, I am able to manage my thoughts and find alternatives to trying to end my life. It’s still not a piece of cake trying to manage those thoughts because of how powerful they are, but they are more manageable. It is not as hard as it used to be to just give in. That’s the difference, and that is the goal. It brings me hope, and my goal is to provide others with that same hope as well.

Ciara