Therapy ≠ Solutions

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my friend about the different reasons people may be reluctant or hesitant to go to therapy. I started thinking back to when I was resistant to treatment, and what my reasons were behind that. I didn’t believe I was going to get better, because some of the things in my life were never going to change. So, how can I even get better if there are still problems in my life that don’t have a solution? That is when it started to make sense for my friend and I. I think a lot of people want solutions to their problems; which is completely understandable. I mean, who wouldn’t want access to that? In my opinion, that is a factor for a lot of people, and it makes sense. Therapy is supposed to help you through whatever challenges you are facing. But therapy never specified how they would help you, they never actually say “We are going to fix all your problems!”. It’s way too unrealistic. Rather than therapy fixing all of your problems, it helps you manage your feelings, ride the waves of crisis, and accept things in your life that will not change. Because let’s face it, you can’t change people or change their actions. They have to want to do that themselves, and sometimes they don’t so now it is our responsibility to not let said person’s actions affect us and bring us down. Now, that doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior is okay or acceptable, it just means we aren’t going to engage in it anymore. Which goes into a different therapeutic skill, boundaries. One of the hardest, in my opinion. However, boundaries need a whole post of their own, so let’s get back to the original topic at hand. When you go to therapy and you are struggling, the therapist focuses on you and your feelings. Even when you are talking about how a person caused you a lot of distress or caused you to go into crisis mode. Because the most frustrating thing to grasp, is that you can’t change other people or their actions. So, you have to find a way to still feel okay regardless of what they do. And that skill is radical acceptance. Very beneficial and very difficult.

I do have another post that talks more in detail about radical acceptance and what it entails. Go check it out for more information! And remember people; feelings are valid, behaviors are not.