Turning My Fear Into Passion

During my senior year in high school, I participated in a day treatment program for teenagers struggling with mental health. It was either that or go back to the hospital, and I was definitely not doing that. So, I talked with my guidance counselor about the options for treatment and how it was going to interfere with graduating. I was already failing some classes, so I didn’t care too much, but I still wanted to graduate. Who wouldn’t? Together my guidance counselor and I found a program nearby and I got enrolled right away. I was in that day treatment for about three months. The process entailed me going to my classes at school in the morning, and then going to treatment from 12-4, Monday through Friday. Treatment consisted of group therapy with DBT, CBT, and art therapy. Another part of this program was family nights once a week where the parents could come and learn more about how to help their kids with their mental health. At one of the family nights, I was introduced to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They were speaking about various topics regarding mental health and suicide, and they were talking about this presentation they have for schools. A speaker from NAMI comes to your school and gives a presentation about symptoms of different mental illnesses, warning signs of suicide, famous people diagnosed with mental illness, and other resources as well. The second part of their presentation is having a young adult come on stage and share their story of recovery. The point of the young adult is having someone close to their age give them hope that things can get better. Though it is not easy, it is possible. I liked the idea of this presentation and brought it up to my school counselor to hear her thoughts about it. Mental health wasn’t ignored in my high school, but it wasn’t really a main priority either. She said she would look more into it and a couple days later she called me down to her office to tell me she scheduled them to come in and give the presentation to my school. I was happy that mental health was going to be talked about more in the hopes that I knew I wasn’t alone in my struggles.

It was getting closer to NAMI coming to my school and I saw them at another family night. One of the women from NAMI came up to me and said she was excited to come to my school. She then took me by surprise when she asked me if I wanted to be the speaker who shared their story. I immediately turned it down and explained my fear of public speaking. Not only did I have to stand in front of my entire school, including staff, and talk to them but to tell them my struggles with mental health and suicide too? No thank you. However, I talked to my guidance counselor about speaking and asked her if it was a good idea, and she did. I always knew I wanted to advocate for mental health, but on a project this big for my first time? I never would have thought I could do it. Nevertheless, I agreed to do it because I thought, if I help just one person reach out for help then it will all be worth it. I wrote my story out on paper, mainly focusing on the steps I took to improve my mental health, and rehearsed it non stop. I memorized my words so I could practice everywhere. I practiced while driving, in the shower, before bed, and any other chance I got. If I was going to speak in front of all my peers, I was determined to at least be prepared.

The day finally came for me to share my story, and I was a nervous wreck. I waited anxiously while the speaker from NAMI talked through the presentation and then, she invited me on stage. I won’t lie. I stuttered, said my fair share of “um”s, and had a shaky voice. Can you blame me? I am an introvert down to my core and I made every excuse in the book in order to avoid doing presentations in class. I did get through it, and after I was done, I was happy. I couldn’t believe I actually did it. I started the conversation about mental health and suicide at my school, and I don’t regret it. Even though I messed up during the speech, I got my message across and I found my passion.

After discharging from day treatment, I finished my senior classes and graduated high school. During the graduation ceremony, I received an award for being an advocate at my school for mental health. A suicide prevention committee was started, and there was more talk about mental health. I left my high school not only with my diploma, but my passion. The summer after graduating, I volunteered a lot with NAMI. Going with them to schools to share my story of recovery to students who may be going through similar challenges. I am so thankful to NAMI for providing me the opportunity to find my passion and continue it. I went from avoiding public speaking at all costs to speaking with students and school staff about a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I never imagined this path for myself, but I couldn’t be more happy with it.

Ciara